2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 23

CATEGORY: Blogging, Procrastination, Catching Up

MY MOOD: Sleepy as a mofo

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: My stomach growling

 

It has been a minute since I had a chance to write anything. I have been on a roller coaster, as usual, dealing with the disorders. I did not want to read anything with me bitching about them. I have to make sure to go back and write PAGE 17 through PAGE 22. I want to have a complete record of this last month of 2008. It will be nice to go through these posts sometime in 2012 or later and think, "WOW! I was a fucked up dude!" LOL

Well, this F'd up dude has to call it an evening while he has his mind focused and unclouded. If I did not sign off now, I am 110% sure that it will be another sleepless night for me.

I miss you and hope to catch up with you soon. Please know that you are in my heart and thoughts during my absence.

 

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 29

CATEGORY: Blogging

MY MOOD: Waking Up

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: The hum of the heater

29 DECEMBER 2008

Today is the 1st time I have touched my computer since the 23rd. That is not an exaggeration. I wanted to make sure I got rest during this holiday break. I did not want to look at my computer not once. I ended up burying it under a pile of clothes so that I would not be distracted. I ended up sleeping the entire time away with the exception of playing with Jackson. I did not leave my house once during the past 4 days. I did nothing but watch anime', sleep and play with Mr. Jackson. For some reason I am exhausted. It may be from getting too much rest. Resting too much can work against me. I was up at 4:30 am and heated up some frozen white castle cheeseburgers. Now, I am sure that cannot be good for me.

8:45PM

I started this post before I went to work this morning. I did not have time to finish it. I lost my train of thought that I had this morning. I think it is because I have a bunch of errands to complete before heading to bed. Well, here I stop. Take care.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 16

CATEGORY: Another Day

MY MOOD: Exhausted

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: Wait A Minute by Heather Headley

 

This entry has to be a quick one. I have to clean my apartment. I have been putting it off and I refuse to let another evening go by with things not being in some type of order.

Today was a crazy day. There was freezing rain all day. I had to scrape ice off my car off after work. Now that is what I like doing after a long day at work! :(

I hate that I have to keep this short tonight. I have many thoughts running through my mind. I wasted this evening by mentally taking an Xbox apart. My landlord was selling me a modded Xbox. Instead of playing the damn thing like normal people, I ended up going through all of the internal software workings of the unit. I then started downloading games from the Internet. I am frustrated with myself but I do not have time for that right now. I have to make sure I start pushing this vacuum around. I need to do it now since I live on the 2nd floor and I feel it would be rude to go past 10 PM vacuuming.

Well until next time.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 15

CATEGORY: Day Off

MY MOOD: Anxious, Frustrated, Irritated, Relieved

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: The many thoughts in my mind wondering what should be done next all while accomplishing nothing.

Here is another Monday where I had to take the day off. I spent the entire weekend sleeping. That was a good thing. I needed that. The problem with that is, I did not accomplish a thing this weekend. Now on Monday morning I am running around anxious and frustrated with myself for not completing a thing this weekend. My ADHD mind makes it difficult for me to deal with things on a normal level. I cannot just let things go as a consequence of my weekend actions. I am beating myself up for not doing anything but sleeping.

I did, however, get some very important things done today. I went to have my blood drawn. With the medications that I take, there is always a need to monitor my kidney functioning. I am glad that's over with. I also made it to the DMV(Dept of Motor Vehicles) to renew my plates for 2009. I was amazed that no one was in there when I went in. Normally, it is a mad house in there. I think many people are waiting until after the holidays to renew their tags and plates. Here in Louisville, KY, all personalized plates and persons with birthdays in December need to renew their tags and plates in December. It is nonstop chaos after Christmas with everyone smashed into the County Clerks office trying to renew things and update car titles and other license related transactions.

That was basically my entire day. I sat around making plans on what needed to be done only not to do them. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I wish there was a surefire way to complete tasks in a timely manner. Oh well, let's hope tomorrow is a more productive day.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 13 & PAGE 14

CATEGORY: Sleeping, Resting, Relaxing

MY MOOD: Knocked the hell out

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: myself snoring

There really was nothing to report for the weekend. I finally was able to catch up on much needed sleep.

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 12

CATEGORY: Tired, Nauseated, Hungry

MY MOOD: Frustrated

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: That little person in my head that is whispering GO TO SLEEP.

 

I am on day 3 of no sleep. I am so tired that I barely can keep my eyes opened. I do not care about anything right now with the exception of being asleep. The lights and my clothes are off and I am on my way to bed. Jackson has to sleep in his dog house tonight and not lay on me. This is good night to one and all.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 11

CATEGORY: Blogging, Life, Happiness, Normalcy

MY MOOD: Content

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: The sound of my neighbor's dog barking like his life depended on it.

11 December 2008

It has been going on for over an hour. Thank goodness I was distracted by Multiply. My call to the police letting them know that a noise ordinance is being broken is coming up at the completion of this post.

Today was a day that was neither a good one or a bad one. It was a day where it good to be above ground. It other words, today is what it is.

I took the time to respond to comments left on my blog. I did not finish responding to all. Unfortunately, I should be in bed at this very moment and I wanted to get my thoughts down on cyber paper.

I want to apologize to anyone who took time out of their life to comment. I am sorry my reply has been so delayed. It is never my intention not to respond as quickly as possible, but my life is a little upside down presently and slowly getting better. I am trying my best to keep the lines of communication open with my Multiply family. I eventually will get the chance to visit your guestbooks. Please forgive me for my unintentional rudeness.

I am calling it a night after a looooooooong and drawn out day. I have been up for over 24 hours and I am tired but not sleepy. My disorders almost got the best of me today, but I scored a win for the home team. I almost when into a stupor dealing with it all and I am sure it shows on my face right now.

I am happy to be able to note on a daily basis. It is very difficult for me to do this. I want to do this. It makes me feel better when I see my thoughts in black and white. It makes me feel a little less crazy. {ha ha} I still feel a lot crazy. lol! I feel crazy because I could not reply to everyone. I didn't even get a chance to get over to Blogger or MySpace. It would be a whole lot easier if they all where in the same place. I have friends on each site that love it there and there is no chance of them blogging anywhere but where they are. Hence, the mad dash and thoughts of many schemes to make this all easier.

It is now 15 minutes before 12 and I have to prep for bed. That means taking Jackson out for his walk because if he passes gas an inch away from my face again tonight, I am going to knock him senseless. He did it and started looking around like I am the one who did it. Living with him is like living with a raunchy frat brother. You know the one. The one that was put on behind the scenes activities because no one wanted him to embarrass the house.

Take care one and all from jackson and monte (possible errors. do you think I have time to read over this tonight!) LOL No seriously!

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 10

CATEGORY: NONE, It was just a very long day.

MY MOOD: Flirty

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: The hum of a heater.

10 December 2008

Today was another one of those days I did not go to work due to being up for 2 days. Insomnia is kicking my ass. I should be in bed at this moment. That is why this is going to be short and sweet.

I tried to sleep today but that was not happening. I was too wound up sexually to rest. Damn this self imposed celibacy! I played online being a scorching hot mess. I deserve messiness every once in a while, and I am not talking about where your mind is right now. LOL

I am happy that I got to reply to my Multiply family, well most of them. I still have few more to go visit. Wait for me y'all!

This is now good night. Let's talk soon. Shall we?

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 09

CATEGORY: Life, Resting, Blogging

MY MOOD: Beyond Tired

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: My stomach saying hurry up with this and feed me.

09 December 2008

Today was an awesome day. I felt good all day. I feel myself getting back to some sense of normalcy.

I am too tired to type much more tonight. I was up most of last night due to Jackson bouncing around the bed each time he heard the wind blow. Tonight he is going in his little house. I need my beauty sleep. LOL Just kidding!

I am out of here and hope to blog something insightful tomorrow. Yeah right! (ha ha ha)

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 08

CATEGORY:Frustrated

MY MOOD:I am actually feeling good.

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO:Me typing

08 December 2008

I AM SUCH A DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I had every intention to come home and reply on my social networking sites. I ended up falling into a massive ADHD mode. I made it home at 6 PM and here it is now 10:45 PM and I have nothing to show for it.

I spent the entire evening playing around with HTML and CSS. I was going through that mess like I have a pop quiz in the morning. I am so pissed at having ADHD! This disorder has a person doing dumb shit without them realizing it. I did not do anything that I planned on doing. Now, I have another wasted evening under my belt. I have to go to bed now if I am to get up in the morning. I am frustrated because my mind in telling me to stay online and do the replies but I know that I should be in bed. I am going to force myself to do that now.

Let me pray that I am not such a dumb ass tomorrow. Good night.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 07

CATAGORY: A New Day

MY MOOD: Content and restless

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: No Scrubs by TLC

07 DECEMBER 2008

I am glad that the weekend is almost over. I need to get out of the house. I actually cannot leave because I am in the process of doing top to bottom cleaning. I know it is going to take me the rest of the evening to complete this. I wanted to make sure I made a note this evening. Speaking of making sure I make a note, I had no idea that my previous posts did not post. Thank goodness for the local draft function in Windows Live Writer. I thought I had my FTP Server working correctly. I did not want to take the time to proof anything. I know it would have had me distracted and I would be up all night. I needed no parts of that. I started going off on left field looking for add-ons for this program. I am now focused again.

I am feeling hyped tonight. I am getting my bounce while cleaning. Mr. Jackson is running my feet while I am cleaning. He is happy that his daddy is in a good feeling mood today. I did get my sleep on all yesterday. I did not get up at all. That is why I am so restless today. I am stopping here while I am still focused so that I can get my clean on. Laters.

monte

 

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 06

CATAGORY: Relaxing

MY MOOD: Relaxing

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: Un-break My Heart by Toni Braxton

06 DECEMBER 2008

I wanted to put a little something to electronic paper. I am writing now because I know I am going to spend the entire day in bed. Rest and food are the best things for me right now. I have to get my strength back to where it should be. I should be fine after a good night's sleep. I ordered a Crispy Melt pizza from Domino's so I know am going to get WAAAAAAY more calories than I need. I aint trying to watch the figure today. LOL Anyway, I wanted to say

Good morning, Good afternoon, Good evening, Good night and much love to you.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 05

CATAGORY: Health and Wellness

MY MOOD: Ill, Nauseated

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: The Way I Are by Timbaland

05 DECEMBER 2008

Today was another day that I had to stay home from work. I knew this was going to happen. I am going to go through HELL until I am able to fill my prescriptions. It sucks feeling like this. I spent the entire day in bed. With the exception of taking care of Jackson, I did nothing else. I could not watch TV, listen to music or anything else due to my excruciating headache and massive depression. I am not mentally depressed. It is all chemically induced. I have been told by numerous doctors that there is no magic bullet for this. There is no scan that can be done to detect the exact problem. It is nothing but trial and error. I will be glad when all the errors of the trial period are over. I need to get back to me.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 04

CATAGORY: Daily, Survival, Work, Illness

MY MOOD: Feeling Better

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: U Remind by Usher

04 DECEMBER 2008

I am feeling HAPPY today. I went to work and it actually felt good being there. I knew today would be a good day for me. I know that I am on my way to recovery.

I am feeling so good right now that Usher actually has me getting my bounce on. I feel high off life. Today, I got out of bed and dropped to my knees and thanked God for blessing me with this day. I prayed that he help me understand why the things that are happening to me are happening. Even though they are happening, I am still grateful for the day. Life is like Love. You have take the bad in order to appreciate the good.

Just like life, I love you.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter: PAGE 03

CATAGORY:SICK
MY MOOD:DISGUSTED
WHAT I AM LISTENING TO:DILEMMA by KELLY ROWLAND
Today was another day of being sick for me. I am so frustrated and disgusted with always being so sickly. I am hoping this all passes and passes soon. I am mentally tired which is making me physically tired. I really did not want to type anything today. I am starting to feel a little better because I know I have to go to the doctor's office in about 30 minutes. Let's see what happens.
Back from the doctor's office. It was interesting. I found out I am taking the wrong formulation of a couple of the drugs that I was prescribed. The thing that sucks is the fact I cannot get a new prescription for another 25 days because I just received a refill on the incorrect medication 5 days ago. Now I have to go through a lot of madness between now and then. It's not like I do not have a lot of shit to deal with as it is. Again, let's see what happens.
monte

2008 The Final Chapter : Page 02

CATAGORY: life, improvement, daily, trials

MY MOOD: moody and sleepy and agitated

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO: my stomach rumbling from being nauseated

today is not really a good day for me. i am sitting here at my desk hurting. the only thing that is a happy thought right now is the fact that i am out of here in an hour and a half.

i am not feeling well due to getting no sleep last night. when i say no sleep, i mean my eyes did not close any longer than to blink. i have been awake for 2 days and i am one step from passing out under my desk. if i do that i am sure that i would be more productive than i am right now.

you are witnessing me in the middle of massive ADHD mode. i cannot concentrate. i cannot focus on anything that i should be doing. i am surfing useless web sites like my life depends on it. to make matters worse, i feel like i am going to vomit. i also have a splitting headache. i feel like my eyes are tearing up from the frustration of having to deal with insomnia. i am extremely glad that i can get into my doctor tomorrow for some type of relief. i have my fingers crossed.

i am writing this now because I KNOW i am going straight to bed after taking jackson out for his walk. it is kennel time for him tonight. i tried to let him have run of the house while i slept in the past. that will never happen again. he tore my home up so bad that i thought people came in and had a party while i was sleep. he had debris scattered in the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room and on top of me. no mam! am i going through that again.

let's hope tomorrow will give me time to congregate. i miss you and hope to talk to you soon.

monte

2008 The Final Chapter : PAGE 01

CATAGORY:Life, Growth, Lessons Learned
MY MOOD:Content
WHAT I AM LISTENING TO:Stronger by Kanye West on PANDORA
01 DECEMBER 2008
Today was a very good day for me. It was a mentally calm day. I emailed a lot of my old coworkers from my past position. It was nice reconnecting with people I have not had a chance to talk to in a while. Everyone were happy to hear from me. They said they thought I fell off of the face of the earth. After catching up today, I am making it a point to try harder to keep in touch with everyone.
I started a “process improvement” project at work that will benefit my coworkers and myself. It is making me rethink my career choice very hard. I sat and thought about what makes me happy. I came to the realization that I like Computer Applications Support. I am checking in to getting my certification for MCSA (Microsoft Certified System Administrator). I am positive this will not be hard for me since it is a field that I am passionate about. I current help many of my friends with the applications and structure that are used in the classes to get this certification.
I hate that I have to leave my entry this evening as incomplete. I wasted a lot of my time on different programs that I downloaded. It is always nice to have new toys to play with. Toys to me are Webmaster programs that I can learn from scratch. I also have to make sure my place is straightened up before I crash tonight. It is nothing like getting up to a clean fresh smelling apartment.
Well, I am off of here until tomorrow. I hope to return replies and say hello to my Multiply family when I post Page 02. Take care one and all.
monte

2008 The Final Chapter

INTRODUCTION

It is almost the close of a very difficult year for me. This has been the most difficult year of my life. I would say that I am glad that it is almost over but that would be a lie. I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned what my “pain” threshold is. I learned how much I could take mentally and physically without falling apart. I gained a deeper understanding of friendship. I have lost friends this year and I have gained friends this year. The ones that were lost, I wish them well in whatever endeavors they partake. My new friends, which includes my Multiply brothers and sisters, I am happy to have you in my life. I could not have made it through this year without you.

I am planning on doing a daily entry into my blog to keep a record of my last month of this year. I want to make sure that I note whether I was HAPPY, SAD, INDIFFERENT. I want to note what music I listened to at this time. I want to note how my days were filled during this time. I am going to do my best to make it through the end of the year with this. I am sure it will be an interesting read one day.

monte