Hour 51 And I Still Haven’t Gone To Sleep



last night i made it a point to logoff of my computer in enough time to make sure i had an adequate amount of sleep. guess what! that did not happen. i basically was laying here awake in total darkness. i could not go to sleep. i did not want to take my usual sleep aide to get to sleep. i would have had an opposite reaction this morning. i would not have been able to get out of bed, instead i wasn’t able to stay in bed.

needless to say, today was another missed day of work. if missed days at work were frequent flyer miles, i would be on my way to Spain, right about now. unfortunately, they aren’t. unfortunately, they are big amounts of money missing from my paycheck. i am more than grateful for the foresight to put money away for a situation such as this. if i didn’t, i would probably be 1 step from turning tricks. hmmm! it may be time for a career move. LOL i am most definitely kidding. i don’t want to take all of that work away from the youngsters out there.

i am so tired, sleepy and exhausted at this point that i cannot go to sleep. if jackson was not here these past 51 hours, i would probably be bored out of my mind due to being too incoherent to do anything constructive. he has been keeping me entertained. i bought him 2 new toys and yet again, he proceeded to giving “off da chain” new meaning. good for him. i am using the last bit of my “good” mental power to type this. i can tell i am about 5 more minutes from being illiterate. that is why i am stopping here before i go off on some ebonics filled tangent.

i hope everyone has a wonderful and restful weekend. i am going to try my best to do the same. take care.


Guess Who Will Have His Black Ass In Bed In 5 Minutes!


i am going on hour number 30 of no sleep. i am surprised at myself. i went to work today and did a 10 hour day. oh, you know i was bitchy from the word GO!

i now have 2 minutes. jackson is trying to push me off of his couch. he knows it’s daddy’s bed time.

good night 1 and all. wish me luck on getting some sleep.

when i die, my tombstone is going to say that i died on purpose so i could get some rest. LOL

Sometimes I Just "Need" To Talk....



today, i had a weird thought in my head. i was sitting here and wondered if others feel the way that i do about talking to hear verbally what is going on in your head mentally.

sometimes i feel a need to call my people and talk out my feelings and emotions that i am having at the time. i need to be able to interact with others verbally so that i can know what i am thinking in my own head. i do not have family here in Kentucky so i do not have the luxury to interact with others on the same level that others do when they are in close proximity to their families and can just go visit them. i have a best friend here but he is very busy with his career and has an extreme amount of responsibility dealing with that. i am very proud of him by the way. he made it to a vice president position at his company. that reason keeps our contact somewhat limited. i have Jackson here to talk to but i am sure he is tired of hearing about my "human" issues. if i do not have a treat or toy in my hand he is not trying to hear what i am saying. i don't blame him. i am cutting into his "turbo through the house" time. i still love him anyway with his selfish butt. LOL

talking is my way of receiving "free" therapy. when i go to a therapist, it is the same as talking to one of my friends who "actually" listens to what i am saying and is giving constructive feedback. each time i go to a therapist's appointment that is another $20 out of my pocket. if i had 2 therapy appointments plus a physician's appointment in 1 week that is $60 out of my pocket and if i have to do this for a couple of weeks at a time, that could lead to $120 to $180 a month in appointments and this does not include my medications which adds up to another $100+ monthly. even with insurance, this is somewhat expensive. this eventually becomes more frustrating for even the medications and the therapy to remedy.

i try to blog my feelings but i do not get the same instant feedback that i get when i am at an appointment and i am putting my feelings on the table. when i say i am "putting my feelings on the table", i am not bitching or complaining about anything. i am just saying out loud what is going on with me mentally. we all have a bunch of jumbled up thoughts going through our heads from time to time. the difference is, some of us analyze those thoughts and find constructive ways to deal with what is going on in our heads. others decide to become the subject of evening news stories by taking drastic actions that will affect them for the rest of their lives and possibly the rest of others lives also. they are the reason we have the stories of people killing people, people taking their aggressions out on others, etc.

i used to joke that i was crazy for thinking this way and needing therapy. i now realize that i am far from crazy. i see news stories daily of example of the weaknesses of the human mind. i realize that we all can become mentally fragile at any time. what i want to do is keep lessening my own mental weakness so that i can stay intelligent, productive and a vital part of society for many years to come.

if you want to contact me, my information is as follows:

name: you can call me monte

location: louisville, kentucky, USA

best time to call: after 7 pm EST monday through friday and anytime during the weekend

phone number: 502-553-8999 cell, that is because home phones are so last decade. LOL

i look forward to hearing from you. if i do not answer, i am very good at placing a return call. it is rude to me for a person not to return a call and i try not to be rude. take care of yourself and until we talk.


Beyonce & Justin Timberlake - Parody "Single Ladies" SNL



The 10 Types Of Gay On Campus.....




1. THE DL HOMOPHOBE – He can spot any gay guy anywhere at anytime. He always has something negative to say to or about the gay guy, but in reality he just wants the gay boy's attention. Homophobes are usually attracted to masculine gay men as the feminine ones will blow their cover. Also, statistics show that the HOMOPHOBES are the messiest of them all.

2. THE AVERAGE STR8 GUY - This is the most difficult type to detect. He's the typical straight guy, he loves sports, he adores cars, he can fix almost everything….nothing out of the ordinary till you walk in on him doing something with a dude. We call these men TRADE. You had no clue they were gay…and chances are they can teach the OPENLY gay guys a few tricks.

3. The SUPER DL NINJA – This is the guy who is TERRIFIED of people having the slightest clue he is gay. He will surf gay chatlines and send people to a dozen different websites until he finally reveals himself. The kind of guy that meets you on the docks at night…you sleep with him… and if you see him in public again he will DENY your existence.

4. THE DL COUPLE – Now this is the most prevalent type of gay guys on campus. Two guys that always hang out together, they maybe work out buddies, members of the same fraternity, same sports team or school organization….Chances are if you see one the other is close behind and if you see one alone…….he's on his way to the other. THEY ARE A COUPLE. No straight guy will spent 90% of his day with another guy unless they are in Iraq and that's a whole nother story child.

5. MR DON'T ASK DON'T TELL – IF YOU AINT ASKING HE AINT TELLIN…SHIT EVEN IF YOU ASK HE AINT TELLIN. This is the guy in class you always suspected but never had any concrete proof to nail him. Unfortunately for you that you can't nail him….but every other dude on campus is…….OKAAAAAAAY!!!

6. THE AVERAGE GAY GUY – He is professional, a great friend, a honor student, your RA, that guy that's in the ROTC. He is awesome, everyone on campus knows him, all the girls have a crush on him…..you invite him out one night and he comes with a dude he introduces as his BOYFRIEND………..yes your honor student is in a relationship with a man and as popular as he is he managed to keep his personal life out of the spotlight. This is what most gay people should aspire to be like.

7. THE PRETTY BOI – This is the guy that looks better than 50% of the girls on campus. He wears designer clothes, has a body to die for..usually light skinned or Hispanic, hair you wish you had, has the accessories of a typical pretty boi (contacts, earrings, photoshopped). You can find them prancing around your local mall or around town. They are usually conceited and not very nice.

8. THE TRENDSETTER – They are the social Mecca of fashion and social rituals. They start the latest trends, know the latest songs and the matching dances, knows your business before you do and pretty much puts you out there. Only down side is that they are either fat, darker than sin and 9/10 BUTT UGLY.

9. THE HALF AND HALF – Have you ever seen a guy with tight jeans, a purse and couldn't be more feminine and you wonder…. Why doesn't he be a transsexual and get over with it. He wears girl jeans, a tank top, makeup and a purse big enough to fit a piano. They are usually bitter because nobody wants to be seen with them…unless they are HALF AND HALF TOO.

10. THE OBNOXIOUS QUEEN - He greets you with a HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY GIIIIIRRRL!!! He refers to people as MISS THANG, he is the loudest motherfucker you have ever met, flirts with anything that breathes and is a club addict. Ladies and Gentlemen…this is THE POSTERCHILD FOR GAY. You can spot him on the map, his sexuality is as big as Texas and he doesn't care who knows. In fact, he wants you to know so he can have you next… RUN CHILD RUN…..




i need to learn how to pull my head out of my ass sooner in the day so that i can fellowship with my online family in a timely manner. it is now 65 minutes until the start of tomorrow and i have not accomplished a damn thing today. {sad face}

my daddy needs your help!!!!



can someone out there give my daddy some good advice about how to blog regularly and to reply to his friends on this computer thing?

he is getting on my nerves by stressing about not making time to return messages to all of you good people.

i hope someone can help him because i am going to bite the hell out of him if he does not get his act together. SERIOUSLY!

just kidding! i aint trying to bite the hand that feeds me literally! plus i need that hand to play tug-o-war with me each morning at 3 am. that is my "GET OFF THE MOFO CHAIN!" time!






never, never, ever, ever fall asleep right after eating. if you do, you may have a dream where you and ALL of your brothers and sisters (in my case there are 13 of us) and your parents are sitting in your parents' bedroom all lounging around while critiquing your past relationships and residences while you supply them the material via a yet to be invented high tech version of a PowerPoint presentation. this dream/nightmare was so real that i thought i was going wake up to call and apologize to my family for subjecting them to that.

WOW! @ the realism.


I will see you after the Elections.



Now that we are on the eve of a most important event in American history, I wanted to say that I hope this whole election brings about a positive change. I know that it was entertaining, confusing, enlightening and educational. This election was a opportunity to learn about the presidential election process. I am happy to see there are people who are less ignorant to the whole act of electing a president since the beginning of this election. It is great that there are many 1st time voters because of this election. This election brought to the surface a dormant passionate spirit for many voters. I will be extremely happy when all of this is over with. This election was great for the experience of it, but I am truly glad the mudslinging, pettiness and the overall rhetoric involved with it will come to a close. I hope the new administration gives us a renewed hope in the American political system.

I hope everyone can live with whatever the outcome is. It is not about being a Democrat or Republican. It is about doing what is best for America and improving the American way of life.

Also, the end of the election will put the political fanatics and extremists to bed for another 4 years. Well, nighty night to all of the nuts and hello to a new era in politics. (hopefully!)


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