Today was an awesome day!!!



now ends a great day. it has been a while since i have felt a day that was euphoric from beginning to end. today was one of those days. i went to work today and stayed in a good mood from beginning to end. i even worked a couple of hours of overtime.

with everything that has been going on with me lately, i am extremely grateful for today's feelings of happiness. i just wish i could physically give this feeling to others. being in a great mood is so much better when it is shared with others.

today ends with no complaints, pains or worries. i hope tomorrow turns out to be just as nice.


I am finally getting my rest-on!


now i am not saying i am sleeping. i "was" at the point where i "was" able to close my eyes and drift a bit.

i was almost sleep but i had a 25 lb dog running on top of me at top speed. i guess he really wanted to "go outside". he better be glad i do not treat him like that the next time i need to take a crap.

any how! i am turning this busy box off. i am shutting off all of the lights and mr. jackson is most definitely going into his little kennel tonight that is located in the kitchen. do not feel bad for him. it is lined with nice plush bedding and he has enough treats to add 5 more pounds to himself by morning.

damn! that sounds kind of good. i think i am going to grab my pillow and get in his kennel with him. LOL well, good night!



insomnia is kicking my ass yet again!!!!



it is now 2:18 am, as i start this post. i have been awake for the past 3 days. i cannot go to sleep no matter what i try, unless i take a xanax. i hate taking that drug due to it makes me feel as though i am drunk the next morning. what to do? what to do? i wish someone knew of a remedy for insomnia. i have insomnia because i cannot shut my brain off. i force myself to lie down and i do nothing but stare at the ceiling thinking of projects that could use a last minute tweaking. i hate this. i am frustrated. i am frustrated because of being frustrated. i am going through days where hours seem to vanish. i came home early today. i think that was about 2 pm. i am just now realizing that i need to eat something. i have not moved from this spot since walking through the door. i was so out of it, i had to have a supervisor drive me home. unfortunately, i have to go pick my car up from my job's parking lot. that is really something i want to be doing on a rainy forecast saturday morning.

please do not think i am complaining. that is not the case. i am just venting to myself about myself. it's rough dealing with 2 disorders that have ALL of the control. i could get so much more accomplished if i had all of right tools to deal with this. it is not easy. i am just thankful to be here right now with jackson snoring next to me. he is about to get his couch hogging ass pushed on the floor. LOL just kidding. well, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. i think everyone will fall into at least 1 of those categories.

may you and yours have a happy and plentiful weekend.

Test of Widget


Can we get some order up in herrre?!


i am finished! i am finished! i am finished! i have finally put some order to my online life. about a month ago i decided to take blogging and turn it into a hobby. now for the average person this would be a easy slam dunk. for me, captain ADHD, no way. it has been a journey through hell just getting to this point. here is a list of the craziness that i put myself through.

1. i spent over 100 hours researching. what did i research? (offline blog programs, online blog programs, paid services, unpaid services, cross posting abilities, social networking integration with the blog, resources that came with the blog and etc.)

2. i had to find a solution to put pictures and videos in my blogs. some of the programs would only let me attach pictures via an FTP Server-(File Transfer Protocol (FTP) is a network protocol used to transfer data from one computer to another through a network.) why! why! why! did i waste the time setting up an FTP Server? it was more headache than reward in doing this. yes, i now know how to do it but big whoop di do! i will never have to use that knowledge. so normal people will not have to deal with FTP Servers, they invented Flickr, Picassa, ImageShack, Image Share, TinyPic, PicOodle! and etc. there is no reason for me to know the names of all of these picture sites. i still remember how to go to a web page pick a picture and do a Save As...

3. i ended up getting a personal domain. . now is it really necessary to get your own domain name just to update your blog? no. it is not. i barely blogged before this and now i want to be the supernova in the blogging realm. i thought about doing a blog on personal things as i am doing now. i also thought about blogging and getting paid for it. while doing all of that "research". i found out a lot of information on how to blog for pay. it is a whole little world out there were people do not leave their houses. they sit around and blog day after day on particular subjects. WOW! @ being an intentional shut in. who knows. i may look at blogging for pay somewhere down the line.

4. another after effect of all of the nonsense printed before this, EMAIL. i am now down to 5 email accounts that i will use on a regular basis. i originally had somewhere around 15 email accounts. email accounts to me are like an old pair of favorite jeans for some people. this is were you know you need to get rid of them but they are still feeling somewhat comfortable to you. i had so many accounts due to keeping the ones from years ago and the ones i acquired recently. all of this still doesn't include my work email. i had an email account for personal BUSINESS, personal PERSONAL, online subscriptions, booty call ONLY and that old faithful email address that i have had since the beginning of time. it took the past 2 days to clean that mess up. it is not exaggeration when i say i had over 15 thousand pieces of email to go through to find out what was important, not important, spam, memories or etc. it was not an easy task. i ended up reading through email that i have had since 2001. now that i have consolidated all of these accounts to 5, my online life should become a lot easier. the explanation of the 5 email accounts would be a whole other blog. LOL that is why i am stopping here.

the journey just to get to this point has been an informative one. i know so much about configuring a domain, programming gadgets, setting up web pages, setting up servers and the beta testing of different online applications that i should run out and get an IT job before i lose all of this knowledge.

my final thought on this, i should have been having fun and not turning this into a project more difficult than anything my employer could throw at me. this is supposed to be a "hobby" and not some form of self torture. i am really going to relax and enjoy this now that i got some order up in herrre!

mary j. blidge - take me as i am


this is one of those times when i am sitting in the dark and feeling alone.

in 15 minutes my time is up!


today was another wasted day. in 15 minutes, i will have wasted another 24 hours of my life. having clinical depression is a massive pain in the ass. it is hard to deal with because it makes you lose friends all of the time. people become tired of the broken promises and broken engagements. this is one of the reasons i try not to make plans for anything in advance. i never know when an "episode" may kick in. today, i planned to go to work for a few hours, reply to blog comments and messages, do laundry, take jackson to the park, drop some software off at a friend's house and there was a party that i promised i would be at. can you guess how much of this i completed today? NOTHING! i have not left this spot on the couch since opening my eyes this morning. the thoughts kept running through my mind to leave the house and get things done. the will was there also. i felt paralyzed and did not have the strength to move. i wish there was a magic trick or some type of operation that could take this away. as we all know, there isn't. after more than a decade and over 15 doctors, i am beginning to feel the wear and tear of all of this. it is not the disorder that bothers me the most. it is the part of trying to get friends, family and coworkers to understand what is going on. NO! i am not SAD! my life is good. i have nothing to be upset, angry or depressed about. i am happy knowing that i can at least breathe for another day. YES! i have talked to a doctor about this. as i said, it has been more than 15. i stopped  counting at that point. NO! i am not just realizing something is wrong. i have been dealing with this for over a decade. that is when i started paying more attention to my wellness. YES! i did pray on this situation. whenever i feel like i want to give up, i go to my quiet place and pray. after that, i have the strength to make it to the next step. and HELL NO! i am not going to kill myself. as i told the last doctor, "i do not have an outfit that would look good on me if i were to kill myself". i was serious! he looked at me and knew i was crazy. LMAO @ his facial expression at the time.

so as this day ends, i am yet AGAIN SORRY for disappointing anyone due to this foolishness that runs my life. i would love to have been in your company today or just saying hello to you. i hope this gets to you in the near future.

with love, monte.

It is great when you know what's going on....


I have been offline since I made my last post. This was due to health issues. Some may know that I take medications for ADHD and Bipolar. Well, I started going to a new physician and he changed my regiment up. It was a drastic change from what I was used to. Well, this change was so drastic that it affected my life in a big unpleasant way.

Since my last post, I have not been able to go to work. I tried to go yesterday and I only made it 5 hours. I have been extremely sleepy and could not stay awake more than a couple of hours at a time, if that much. I was so unfocused. I lost days at a time. I also lost the use of a couple of fingers on my left hand. This meant that I have not been able to type. I still have numbness in them but it is not as bad as it has been.

I went to my previous physician today and found out that the medications and the changes were what was, and is, affecting me. He explained that the medications are extracting certain vitamins from my body which mean that I am easy to bruise or be susceptible to different injuries. Also, due to the change in my medications, it affected my ability to actually function. Today, he explained all of this to me and I am grateful just knowing what the hell is going on. As I get older, I do not take anything for granted or for chance. I make sure I stay on top of my health.

Now that I am back online, I have a lot of catching up to do. That means a whole crap load of typing. {fake frown}

Now that I am a feeling better, I have a whole crap load of work waiting for me when I return. {real frown}

I look forward to talking to everyone. Wish me luck in transitioning back into a regular schedule. Take care all. xirusmonte



I wanted to say GOOD NIGHT to my Multiply family. I wasted too much time today bullshitting to get a chance to send replies. Know that you are in my heart and you are thought of here in KY. I hope to get in contact tomorrow. Take care one and all.

monte and jackson

monte and

Janet Jackson - Rock With U


JENNIFER HUDSON - SPOTLIGHT (QUEENING OUT AT THE CLUB MIX-) Jackson and I are prancing around high kicking and patting our weaves off of this one.


Jennifer Hudson Spotlight Tony Loreto & Jacko TJinc Club Mix (HOT REMIX)


I finally found a offline blog for MySpace that I can use with other blog sites. (NOT FREAKING REALLY!!!)


It has only been a short while since I have tried to start blogging regularly, but it has been quite an experience. I have researched over 50+ blogging software and misc applications for offline blogging. I looked at a standalone application called Windows Live Writer. I looked at multiple plug ins for Internet Explorer, FireFox and Google Chrome. I am using Scribefire which is a plug in for the FireFox browser. I am learning how to use it as I type this. It seems to be working fine so far. I am going to wait after a few more blogs to pass judgement. {smile} I am only using this program due it seems MySpace does not want to play friendly with the other blogs. Since I have this program I will be able to crosspost on Multiply via LiveJournal, Blogger and MySpace. I ended up getting rid of my Windows Live Spaces account today. I hated the way Microsoft is so intrusive with all of their applications that I used. They also charged for just about EVERY service they offered. I said NO THANK YOU to all of that.
One of the drawbacks of some of the programs that I looked at, is the fact you need to use a FTP server just to add pictures and videos. That seemed like a bit much but I needed another project to make my head hurt, so I painstakingly put together a FTP server. It is up and running right now. Basically, it is the same thing as Multiply's Media Locker. I feel better having control of my media instead of them. I am most likely going to delete the server by the end of the evening. I only did it to see if I could. It is not a thing for me to pull my media off of my external hard drive.
I wish that I was not so scatterbrained when it comes to doing things. I wasted a huge amount of time researching products and building web servers and web sites, among other things that will make irritated just to think about them. My biggest challenge with blogging is going to be staying focused. I am going to have to set aside a set amount of time daily to blog. If I do not put it in some type of structure I will be delayed in blogging as I have been for the past few days.
Well, Jackson is looking at me with that, "It is time for my damn walk and those children can wait until you finished with my walk!" look. For Jackson's sake, I am out of here. Talk to you soon.

OPPS!!! I spoke too soon about using this program. I tried uploading a picture to this blog via the picture uploaded and it was not happening. Now I have to copy and paste this B.S. into MySpace manually. When Jackson and I get back can you guess which program is going to be deleted with a quickness?! Laters! smile_angry

Windows Live Writer Is The Best Offline Blogging Program There Is!!!!


 Windows Live Writer Download Link

Today, I discovered a great program that can be used if you post to multiple blogs that you may be hosting. The program is called Windows Live Writer. It is an awesome program. I was able to compose 1 post and post it to Windows Live Spaces, Blogger and Multiply in under 30 seconds. It was a little weird for me. Normally I would go to 1 site to post and start wandering around to other bloggers' posts for hours like I had lost my mind. It now means I do not have to neglect 1 blog posting due to paying more attention to a blog posting at one of the other sites. There is only so much 1 person can say. Really! How much can you say in 1 day if you have multiple sites? To me, that is 1 narcissistic mofo. LOL This will also give me more time to reply to others' blogs.

Using this program made me realize 1 thing. I hate the synergistic ability of . THERE IS NONE! Today, I was sitting here thinking, "Why do I want to post outside of if the majority of the people I talk to are there?" If you have ever tried to cross post to you will know what I am talking about. It did not hit me until I tried to cross post the same item to my site about 10 to 12 times. First, I tried to use to cross post and it gave me an OK message each time but NO BLOG! That was a little frustrating. I finally gave up on that and tried to cross post with Windows Live Spaces. That was also a NO GO! I tried multiple times to cross post with that site until I started to get a headache. I almost went the email posting route but I wanted to try 1 more trick. I ended up opening a generic blog account with LiveJournal just to accommodate posting to . I was not too happy about this but what am I to do. The cross posting between LiveJournal and Multiply worked like a charm. There was not one hiccup in the cross posting of the blog.

Back to Windows Live Writer. I am not too frustrated with the multiple postings, EVEN TO MULTIPLY, due to Windows Live Writer has built in account info and password save capability for each of the accounts I have the ability to post to. This makes the process quick and simple. Also, Windows Live Writer lets you view the post at each of the sites that you posted to after the post is published. There are multiple Plug-ins for the program if you want to simplify adding hyperlinks, pictures, videos, maps, etc to your blog. Using this program has been the most pleasant of all of my experiences since I started this blogging nightmare a few days ago. As long as you know how to log into your blog and post, you should not have any type of problem.

If you decide to try it, I included the link to the download. It is great for doing drafts of your posts offline. This program is a GOOD THING for me. I am putting a copy of the program on my flash drive so that I can compose a blog at work tomorrow. fingerscrossed

Jennifer Hudson-Spotlight


Test of publishing Blog and Pictures via Windows live Writer


I am testing the program Windows Live Writer. This will help me save time and make it easier to cross post to Windows Live, Blogger and Multiply. Unfortunately, Multiply and MySpace are not supported by this application at this time. I will have to use to cross post function in Multiply to add it there. If I want to post to MySpace, I will need to do that manually. I am not really too concerned with MySpace though. That will be used mainly for social networking. At least it is good for something. LOL

Welcome to


tonight is the 1st time that i am actually blogging from my Blogger account. let's hope this populates into and vice versa. i had gone through a lot to try and setup my personalized start page, sites, docs, email and the whole 9 that Google is offering to setup on their site. it has been a head hurting lesson learned. i was frustrated with the whole process. dummy me, ended up losing all of my progress because i could not leave well enough alone. oh well! i just have to start from the beginning. i am in no rush to start that process again. well, off to play with Jackson. i think he is going to throw my computer out the window when i head off to work tomorrow. LOL take care and good night!
monte and jackson

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